~ wIsHiNg AnD HoPiNg, ThInKiNg AnD pRaYiNg~

For some moments in life there are no words. In Memory to those we have lost and Michael Ryan Bufkin

2010-04-09T09:24:00.000-07:00

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland~

This is true in situations dealing with death. You can never get over the pain or the thought of loosing a loved one, and no one can ever steal away that person memory from you. But what about the person who has actually lost someone in thier life. Wheather it be a mother, father, grandparent, or sibling. Whomever it maybe it is though no matter the age that one goes through it. There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. No one ever wants any one to loose a loved one but I believe from personal experience that God would never put anything thing in your life that you could not handle.

It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses. ~Colette
I found this quote online and it made me remeber how I felt after my brother passed. He was after all my best friend in the world. I remember being in Louisiana when it all happened. (my so called comfort zone) When I was told I went balistic turned over a coffee table, then screamed to the top of my lungs and 5 minutes later regained my composure and told Mrs. Long I needed to speak to my dad. When I called my dad, it seemed like a life time to get through to him. I mean I talked to like 5 people before him but when he answered the phone and I heard for the first time in my life my dad cry I knew I had to be strong. All he could say was "Jennifer, its my fault." I remember thinking then saying "Dad its all going to be all right I'll be home soon and I love you"
After the fact that my brother passed and all was said and done people seemed nicer to me and they seemed to want to help. I thought of this as a nice jester but I was still a little bitter by the situation. I would snap at people as if they didn't understand and from that moment on I shut down. I didn't care what people thought of me I didn't care what people thought of what I did nor how I acted. I wasn't aware that I was hurting people in the process like my parents much less thinking about what my brother would have thought of my actions. He would not liked who I would have become and that I had wasted my life away. I hadn't done much with my life and hadn't shown what a true christian I was nor what a good person my brother was or would have been. I had wasted years of being useless. From 2001-2009 I had wasted so much time thinking about how hurt I was that I hadn't thinking been thinking about others that were hurting or my self that was hurting as well. Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. ~Mary C. Crowley I finally turned my fears, my problems, my sorrows, and my emotions over to God and I felt so much better about everything. There is a saying "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never to have loved at all". I am a firm believer in that. Had I had never known my brother then I would had never of known how wonderful of a person my brother was and how many people he had touched in so little time he lived. We acquire the strength we have overcome. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." ~From the television show The Wonder Years

The one thing that did bother me and still does to this day is that people seem to forget the legacy of peoples memory. To the families and some of the few they still seem to live on in our hearts. I have always wondered what happened to those who said they would be there when you needed them. Sure there are those you can talk to but it seems to me that when you try to talk to them they are either too busy or think you should have moved on by that time. Truth is when you loose someone in your life no matter whom it may be it hurts and you will never get over the loss of someone. When someone you know looses a loved one never forget that person will always be hurting and that they will always need your love and support regaurdless of the time that passes. It has been almost 9 years since Michael has passed and not a day goes by that I do not think about him or the fact that he will not be in my children's life. The fact that he did not see me walk down the isle at my wedding and sing Hakunnamatta at the end. He was a wonderful amazing person and I wish more people knew him. I wish I knew what he would have become in life. But I know his legacy lives on in me and through me. There are times that I need to talk and David doesn't know what to say. I need my friends who were there, his friends who knew him, and people who cared that I maybe blew off.

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

With the death of some of my friends siblings I have tried to be thier for them and I intend to be there for them even after the fact that everyone has moved on with thier grief of losing thier friend. I know what it is like to lose a loved on so I was to encourage everyone to remember that it is hard to lose someone you love and the pain never ends. It stays with you like marriage, til death do you part. It is something you never forget and your friend who has lost a loved one; brother, sister, mom, dad, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin... it will never be undone in thier mind. Please remember them daily. Be there for them and that they may be grieving for a while if they ever stop and need to have reassurance that you are there for them. Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert

Good-night! good-night! as we so oft have said
Beneath this roof at midnight, in the days
That are no more, and shall no more return.
Thou hast but taken up thy lamp and gone to bed;
I stay a little longer, as one stays
To cover up the embers that still burn.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Michael Ryan Bufkin
August 12, 1988 - August 3, 2001

If tears could build a stairway,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven
And bring you home again.

Am I just Tired or is life just tiring

2010-03-03T18:28:00.000-08:00

I have been extremely tired lately. Don't know why just tired. I clean cook in my microwave and take care of my dog child nothing to out of the ordinary. I am just tired. I am just always feeling like I can take a nap. Its like when I wake up and I get done with my cleaning then I am ready for nap time. Then after naptime I want to get up clean more and then watch some tv and then go back to sleep around 8. Its like I am sleeping all the time. When I work I dont have this problem, but when I am not working its like yawn lets be lazy. Gah I need a kid to keep me awake. (the dog just sleeps beside me)

My hubbys in VAIL and I have baby fever what to do what to do!

2010-01-16T18:50:00.000-08:00

Snow Skiing in Vail and I am stuck at home. So the hubbs goes to Vail and I am stuck here alone with the Maw in Law. Which isn't bad just means junk food and take out. got to love it. David starts school next weeks which we hope to be his second to last semester. YAY! I need a job but who can think about a job with BABY on the brain. I mean omg that is all I see on FACEBOOK. Its like 10 or more of my friends are preggers and its just like awe I want one too and I know its not time but I just want one. I guess I am just going to have to make do with the whole I have a dog child. (dont get me wrong I love my dog child) But I want to make something that is of me and David. I keep saying one more year one more year and I might cant have my wish. I just hope he can find a job after school and we can both move back to Jackson. I miss my friends and my family. Now hmmmmm if we can just get my parents back up to Jackson. Keep in prayers about me finding a job because I really need one and my last job is really making it hard on me to find another one cause I quit. And I had good intentions when I quit I just didn't think that they would make it hard on me to get another job. Anyways there is my soapbox for the week

Here Now Turkey day Christmas and global warming hmmmm sounds interesting

2010-01-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

Wow its been a while so try to keep up...
Things have been quite a blurr. David has done well in school he is in fact almost done and thinking of taking the GRE to get his masters. The down fall we will have to move to Atlanta, GA to the Masters program a Georgia Tech.
Oh well should be an adventure. One more year from Jan. 19 to Dec. and we are outta the Hat. I Am still looking for a job (since Sept. might I add) and nothing seems to be working out. I am so ADD that I am not working out as a house wife. I tend to just be a tad bit to lazy. I miss cutting hair.
Thanksgiving was a treat David and spent the time with my parents and grandparents in gatlinburg. I have to say I havent been in about 4 years and I have missed it greatly. David enjoyed it so much. We were away from our Lola Belle and we did no enjoy that she has become our dog child so much that we consider her our baby. What is she going to do when we actually have one of our own. (which we are thinking about doing at the end of this year) (just a thought of trying)
Christmas was fun we spent the month on December in Jackson with family and friends which was amazing and tiring all at the same time. We love our family but we also love being alone because we have gotten so used to it over the time together.
It is also an amazing time of year here in Mississippi it is supposed to snow this week... I am thinking really really but hey if it snows it just once again proves that our theory on global warming is not true and scientist dont know it all. It did snow a little here on monday, not enough to stick but some and enough to where I could see it so there goes my faith in the global warming again.
Well until I feel the need to express feelings again be safe and bundle up its frigid!

Just can't get over this crap

2009-10-26T20:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a few days so here is how things have been going. Still working on the job ordeal think I have a lead. (better than people I know working ob ideas that will never work)
Friday we went to Jackson and let lola play with lil bit, blooper, and pepper "bitter". After Playing with the pups we went to david's parent house and played with the kiddos and went to eat at the best mexican resturant ever MARGARIAS. Saturday while David studied I went to the Mississippi State Band Competition for 4A and 5A. (my cousins were playing for pearl where it was held. As I was there being the big Southern Miss Fan that I am I made sure to keep up with the score while I was there. Southern Miss won like 43-6 go my eagles. Pearl took first go pearl congrats chris and dianna love you like a booger guys. Then on Sunday I watched the best movie with my awesome husband. Gran Torino best movie i have seen in a long time. loved it. the i got to see my saints win the end of my saints win the end of their game yay ... who dat!? hell just might freeze over this year if the saints go to the superbowl. Geaux Saints they are 6-0. I have to say living the drama free life sure does pay off. I am glad I got rid of the TRASH in my life and made my life a whole lot less stressful cause i am better than that.

Hey man why dont you get a job

2009-10-20T19:25:00.000-07:00

Wow what a day I mean first I get up at the wrong time to go and get my fingerprints done for a job I am trying to get. Then I have to drive to Purvis to the School board office to turn in my application to sub and wait til Thursday to get fingerprinted. Still no job.Still waiting. I proceeded to head towards to a salon that someone told me about in Hattiesburg so I went there but still no hit yet. After the salon I had to drive to Jones and turn in some more paper work for my finiacial aid which the lady told me I am officially caught up now. **exciting** I soon got depressed when I went to the bookstore and found out how much my books were going to cost. From Jones I made my way back to Hattiesburg and put in an application at the Y thinking that would be a good job well I filled it out they were so nice until this really mean lady said when I turned my app in I dont know why you filled this out we ain't hiring. Kinda rude huh I thought so anyways. So back to the house I go. Sad Day. Oh well tomorrow is another day. Wish me luck something is bound to come up soon.

The Broken Plate, Broken Heart

2009-10-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

Ever get that gut raging feeling in the pit of your stomach when you come home and your husband was nice and just did the dishes. Its like you are so happy that he did them you dont know what to say your just happy that he did them. Then it happens you look over in the cabinet and see it. The first broken plate from your set you get at your wedding. You feel a tear roll down you cheek. He doesn't know why your crying he probably thinks your crying cause your happy that he cleaned the kitchen, but you know its about the plate. Oh what to do so you wipe your tear tell yourself it will be ok and you have more plates.
Why do we get so upset over things so little such as plates breaking. Is it because we are women or because of sentimental value or what i dont know. I know when it happened to me I was just beyond myself to find out my plate was chipped. It nearly broke my heart to see my lovely plate in that condition. It was like all the plates I had didn't compare to that one plate. My sentimental value in that one plate was gone. oh well no use crying over spilled milk anymore what is done is done.

~Brightfully chilly with nothing to do~

2009-10-19T00:43:00.000-07:00

What a boring day to day was. After church we were probably the two most laziest people ever. I played online all day and David watched movies all day. The only time we got up was to take Lola for a little small walk on the trace. LAZY is what we were and boring. I did happen to find out something interesting though... it take 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile interesting huh. oh what they internet will tell you. This was almost how lazy we were today. Iam telling you It was Chilly and we just didnt want to get up so we didnt.
So its been kinda cool here in the HAT and Bad Bad cloudy its almost like the sun dudnt like us anymore. I hate the cold but I love autumn dont like winter but love spring. summer is too hot so i guess today i am not appeaseable.

That is about it for our day. It was a lazy good for nothing day. other than bhurch and walking lola we did nothing.. maybe i will have a story tomorrow or a life lesson to share.
jennifer

~The perfect day that ended with the Black out Game~

2009-10-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

Ever had just a really great day. I had one of the best days. I woke up late thought about things washed the clothes or "cloths" as me and shea spell it but that is a whole other story to tell lol. I just chilled all day and didn't have a care in the world. It was rather peaceful. I decided to stay behind while David went to his ABC Construction meeting. So, Lola and I went on a walk down the trace in the cold her in her lovely jacket and I all bundled up like it was seriously 20 below but hey I get cold easy. We came back in and I played around online and then got ready to go to the best event of the year in Southern Miss Football. Thats right THE BLACK OUT GAME. For those of you who read this and don't know the black out game rocks because I believe and this is what I was told but after Hurricane Katrina and most of the lights in the city were out but there was a game scheduled and everyone wore black to the game to represent the lights being out so its kinda been a yearly thing since 2005. It is usually a fun game and we usually win which we did 36-16 to memphis. LOVE IT!!! This is the shirt they had this year for sale which I will go buy on Monday cause I forgot to go and buy mine this year. I also took pics of the guys playing, the cheerleaders,... etc... i'll try to add some tomorrow when blogger is working better for now they will be on facebook along with the videos. But I will put the pic of me and David on here freezing at the game. Overall It was a really good day and I hope tomorrow is just like it cause today was a blast.

?Do you know what I mean... I mean seriously?

2009-10-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

I have SEROIUSLY been wandering lately what the meaning of alot of things are. Why people do certain things and say certain things. I have also began to think that when people used to tell me that I was a bad person that I really wasnt a bad person it was just them covering thier own insecurities about themselves. In life we are told in Sunday School that we are going to LIE, on occasion cheat, and do other sins because no one is perfect. I personally do not like to be lied to nor do I like to be called a liar when I know that I am not. Recently it has come to my attention by someone that I thought was a friend that they thought that I was a liar because I didnt see things thier way. Kinda hurts you know. I mean SERIOUSLY. I am not a LIAR and my Husband knows everything that I do. I respect his wishes that is why we have a strong marriage. I mean come on now stay in your own world and I'll Stay in mine SERIOUSLY...

Anyways on a happy note. David and are looking forward to going to the Southern Miss Game tomorrow. He has been doing really well in school just please pray that he gets an intership next summer for his class so he can graduate in December 2010. Anyways we have to go to the ABC TENT tomorrow and woo the people to hopefully get an internship with one of them. We will keep our fingers crossed. We will also keep our fingers crossed on Southern winning tomorrow as well. (SERIOUSLY I hope we win TO THE TOP)

I had a VERY productive day today. I have finally figured out what I am going to do while I am in school and waiting on David to finish with his school. (Yes I did say Me finish my school again) I am going to school to do Medical Office Technology//Transciption I am super excited about all of this as well. I went to school today to turn in my financial aid right as they were closing the door and realized that I drove all the way out there and didn't bring my marriage license so I have to back on Monday and see if everything is approved GOSH this is going to make me go crazy SERIOUSLY> ( I think I got the word from grey's anatomy) I like cutting hair but I think being manager I just got burnt out on it and when I worked at a doctors office before I loved it. for some odd reason I love organizing and filing.... hmmmm go FIGURE!!!!

Lola Got a new Coat to day and if my computer is willing I will put the pictures on the here of it and show you as well as the video. She is so funny in it she just prances around in it and thinks she is the queen bee of the apartment complex. We saw some guys outside and they just thought she was the cutest thing or at least that is what they said about her. (she is rather adorable) We had to get her a coat because Min Pin's are very Climental**is that a word** dogs and they can't be cold at all or they won't go to the bathroom so to say. She loved it and actually went to the bathroom in it better than she did this morning without it. She was funny here is her video of her PRANCING in it. LITERALLY....!!! SEROUSLY she thinks she is a princess.

Overall other than the lying drama I think that today was a very promising and good day. David and I had fun at Wal-Mart playing around and hoping for an even better one tomorrow at the game.

Do you ever feel like Pinocchio and someone else is pulling your strings

2009-10-15T18:04:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been pushed and pulled in every way you can possibly imagine. I am a big pushover and believe almost anything you hear. I was raised in a good Southern Baptist home and very proud of it. My parents taught me very well and never let me down when it came to raising me on values. Lately I have let my values go a little. You see I listened to other people when it came to my relationship with my husband (my first mistake) It is one thing when you ask for advice, its another when people just give you thier opinion and you take it (my second mistake) I was told several things by a person to teach my husband a lesson and make him basically my slave so I could do what I wanted to do. It was just some of the most un orthodox things that I had ever heard of doing that finally made me think this could honestly hurt him. It wasnt until I talked to my BFF AMY and she was like "Jennifer just go home to him and tell him you love him ask him how he feels and be done with it, what they are telling you to do is BS" So I thought about it and It was BS and it was more than what that they were wanting me to "teach" him in the lesson as they so called it. I realized talking to him on the phone while I was in the process that I loved David so much that I didnt want to hurt him and this stuff I was considering doing was going to seriously hurt him and scar him for a while so I left and chose not to do this un-orthodox thing to him that I was not raised to do. I had never seen anyone who loved each other want to hurt the other person and I didnt want to do that to him. I love him with all my heart and he knows that and we are a stronger couple now because of all this. I also realized that one of these people have been jerking me around for a while now. I wasn't until this incident that made me realize that I am noone's pinocchio or puppet so to say and I don't want any one to be my puppet as well.

Its like riding a bike up hill, til you get to ride down then its all worth your while.

2009-10-14T21:05:00.000-07:00

What in the world to say about summer and lately. Time flies when your young. The impossible wait til one year of marriage finally came and went. the cake was eeeee ok we ate some because you just do. We still have our child dog as we call her. She is rotten as we say. But you cant help but love her. I recently got a chance to go back and dance with my old dance team as an alumni Hi-Stepper and loved it so much and plan on going back next year. David is good. He is fianally seeing the light at the end of the rainbow in college and the anticipation is killing him. I quit cuttin hair at the mall for some reason not to disciss in a blog but face to or through a text but lets just say they did me wrong. Life hasnt always been just a smooth and peaceful ride though since I last blogged. We have had so MANY obstacles getting in our way recently from money to people getting involved to everthing else you can think of its happened. After it was all said and done though I have realized that through it all I was not putting all my faith and trust in God and I was trying to handle things my slelf and seek out others help when I should have been seeking out God. Once I started seeking him everything started to work out more. Things just became easy again. its like when your a kid and you ride your bike up a hill its hard to peddle up but once you get to the top it is so freaking fun to ride down with the wind blowning in your face and you can say wow I did that because I had faith to do it. Once God had Control it was like omg where is my stress I can breath again and I didnt have to worry about what people thought I just let the "wind" so to say hit me in the face and went with the flow. Good News is most of my problems to date are solved bad news is I still need a JOB that pays this time. (my last job didbt pay me and wont) I am going to try subbing I think but we arent sure yet so Please pray about that and other things that might come open. oh well. make sure you go on face book and watch us dance for homecoming at hindscc to beat it we did so good. here are some of our pictures.....

2009-05-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

So I'm writing a book! Yeah I know I said it book or books so to say a child's book about my brother and I now all I need is an artist...... hmmmmm and a committed one.... any suggestions. I have the first one down and working on the second on can't want to see what happens. no one ever comments so we shall see...

2009-05-17T15:48:00.000-07:00

So I have news I have lost WEIGHT!!!! yay!!!!! I went for my yearly which is also my doctor who is my regular doctor whom I had seen 3 months ago and I had lost 30 pounds! I was exctied to know that my work had paid off! Work out, eat right, and omg it works if you actually keep a new years resolution. I was so freaking happy! Anyways I am going to post some pictures to show you how you can see the weight change hopefully!!!!! They go Fat to small!!!!

Fat ones

the kinda skinny ones

lola

2009-05-07T06:22:00.000-07:00

ok so we got Lola. we love her to death. she is just an angel in our eyes she is doing well on potty training and just perfect in every way! i iwll keep every one posted on her!

The Lords Supper

2009-04-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

WOW TIME FLIES WHEN YOU ARE HAVING SOOOOOOO MUCH FUN!!!
These past 2 months have really flown! I am really enjoying work! I absolutely love love love cutting hair and talking for a living! My 26th (gah I am old) birthday was amazing. I went to work on my B-day and then went to lunch with the parental units, a movie with david and Donna Grace and then beddy bye! David also had a birthday as well.... I have been waiting a while for this day to come. He is 21!!!! I am sooooo excited about this because now I do not feel so old. We have also decided to add to our family and get a puppy soon! Can't wait. lol

I was thinking of an interesting story to tell on here cause I like to write about life lessons so to speak. The only thing that came to mind was write about Easter, write about Easter! I am riding back with my Hubby from the coast and all I can think about is the Lords Supper!
Ok so we went to church with mom and dad. It was an amazing service. I took notes (b/c I have ADD and can't just sit there) I drew little angels and a tomb it was cute. Anyways in most baptist churches around Easter time we observe the Lords Supper. So we did today at FBC GAUTIER today. I started thinking about having the LS when I was younger. When we lived in Coushatta, LA and we had the LS it was a race between 4 kids in the church to help clean up the "bread squares and grape juice". Between Jason, Katie, Michael, and Me we could clean out that nasty bread they served. It was interesting that I thought of this because on the way to Lunch today I was talking about this event. You know back in the day so to speak Now it seems to be a little like styro-foam. So I am wandering if this is a ploy for churches to stop children from eating the little squares they call bread. To us it was the best thing since sliced bread as my dad says. I think it was cause we didn't get it often enough. This brings up another interesting thing in my mind. Not getting it enough. You see as a child and you are a christian then you can partake in the Lords Supper. They tell you the old familiar story so many times so you know why we do this. Now that I am older I understand the concept more but I can't help but to think that if we do this on Easter Sunday and we have a lot of visitors how many of them actually understand what this means if they havent grown up in church. Some partake cause everyone else is. Just some food for thought.

The Amazing Super Duper Dad!

2009-02-02T21:19:00.000-08:00

When I was little I remember my dad was the best toy a girl could find. He was my super hero i mean come on he knew how to make me fly! He was my blankey when I needed a cry! and good golly he always knew how to make me laugh! When we were little daddy always knew how to get the energey out. While mom was cooking dinner and sometimes after dinner, daddy always made sure to take a time out break for some "fightinmagiger"! ha ha. (dont ask me where it came from one of us made it up but it was our little play time word!) It was kinda like wrestling with us in our own way I guess. We would stand on the top of the bed or be on opposite sides of the trampoline and michael or I would yell "Fightinmagiger" and we went at it. If you fought and you got from one side to the other in the safe zone you were good. When you a little Daddies are bigger and you never get across. So basically its this one big tickle fest until time for bed or dinner. We sure enjoyed it cause it was an every night routine!

Me and my brother were really close. When I say close I mean we played together, made up games together, and slept in the same room cause we didnt like to be apart. Well after the nightly devotion and prayers we would be all tucked in with our music tape on. And about 5 minutes later in comes dad dancing and twirlling around. Now to a 7 and 12 year old this is funny and we start laughing. I can remember dad dancing around and us laughing one night. Mom was in the other room unaware that dad was in his dancing shoes and she came in to get on to us but then she saw that daddy was the one making us laugh. Ha I can still remember him twirling and jumping (on real hardwood floors) and getting a splinter. If you thought we were laughing before we were really laughing then.

My dad the amazing super hero.It was almost like he was superman, the hulk, and spiderman all in one! Always there in a time of need. Always there to make us laugh. Always the one who could make our spirits fly!

I love my daddy! He is my hero and I'm his princess!

Mama said there would be days like this!

2009-01-29T21:18:00.000-08:00

My mom-what a great woman. You ever remember things your mom said. Silly things that will always stick out in your mind. Things you never thought you would say. Even things that make you crazy when your young. I got to thinking things that she said now make me laugh. I can remember telling her "I would never say that to my child"! My husband seems to believe in Nurture vs. Nature. Lately as I have gotten older and thinking I so could never do that I find my self doing that. I also laugh because it makes me think that when I have kids that I will in fact take on the same mannerism of my mom.

I can remember as far back as 4. My mom told me I was going to have a brother. I slept beside her every night til he was born. On August 12, 1988 , The day he was born, I remember my mom waking me up and taking me to this old lady's house from the church. We lived in New Boston, TX at the time. The closest good hospital was 30 mins away in Texarcana, TX. I dont think I slept a wink when they dropped me off. The next morning I was swooped away by the Great Buffy and Papaw. I was told by my mom I was going to be the first to hold him after my mom and dad. As we drove to the hospital I remember telling Buffy we had to stop and buy my brother a toy. As a four year old all I knew was I wanted to get him something. I thought he was going to need a play toy. As I talked the whole way to the hospital telling my grandparents that I was going to hold my brother. When we arrived at the hospital I quickly came to realize that my brother was sick sick sick. As I watched everyone but me hold him I became mad and Jealous. I mean come on the nurses got to hold him. Oh well two weeks later he came home. HOW FREAKING AWESOME!!! The day he came home I held him first. It was a joyous day in my life. It was my new begining I knew things would be different.

As my brother and I grew older we never actually fought like sbilings. We were more like friends. I dont know if it was because mom made us write bible verses if we did wrong or that she made us sit in a corner and sing The Barney Song til' we meant it. (no seriously... And I think I wrote Eph 6:1 like a million times) I can remeber telling her at times "I would never in my life make my child do this." She would just laugh and say never say never. I never once thought about it til' I tought afterschool daycare at Morrison Heights and I made my sweet not so sweet boys write bible verses and sing the barney song when fighting. At that moment I knew I had Eaten my words.

I also remember good things about my mom telling me one night that I was going to have to kiss one too many frogs before I found my prince. I can remember my first heart break and she told me that I would have many come and go. At the time I thought no one understood how I felt. But she would tell me of how many guys she dated and funny stuff that happened to her. It always made me feel better. She always knows how to make me feel awesome when I'm down. That is why she is my best friend. She will never let me down, lie to me, or even judge me when im wrong. She still says I talk to much, but im a cosmotologist, I talk for a living!

The Preachers kid

2009-01-28T23:56:00.000-08:00

I have lived my life in the spot light. My dad being a minister I was alway expected to be at church whenever the doors were open. I was always being watched, judged, and always had the infamous statement oh your a ministers daughter. That is such the understatement of a lifetime. When I was younger it didnt bother me cause I didnt understand. (besides the fact that I was sheltered) As I got older this statement seemed to bother me alot. How do they know who I am. It is like they assume cause my dad is a minister that I am a bad person. In high school, I never went to parties, never really went out. But it wasnt until I started to date this guy that I honestly realized there was more out in the world than met the eye. I saw things that I never imagined and this scared me as well as the fact that I was tempted. I started to think of ways not to be tempted and how I could just move on and still stay close to God. I remember distinctly my brother shortly before he died telling me Jennifer he isnt good for you. He is making you think of things you will one day regret. I was well on my was to a break up just as soon as I got back from my trip to visit Coushatta, LA.(small as raymond people) As soon as I got to Shreveport I got lost. I had never driven that far without my parents and all I knew was my cell phone was on roam and I couldnt call salena b/c I didnt know where I was. I did the next best thing and called my daddy. Of course the one time I call he and my mom were not there. Michael answered the phone and for some reason he thought he knew how to get there. And surprise, surprise he did. (considering he was like 7 when we moved.) I remember getting mad at him, and 3 hours later he would no longer be with us. I got to Coushatta, LA and I just drove around because I loved it there and wanted to live there forever. I dove around for hours looking at my hold home, my old church, the library, and much much more. I missed it and seriously thought of coming back home as I called it. When I got the call my brother had died the only thing going through my head was omg i yelled at him, my best friend I yelled at him. And what we had talked about the night before. My only thought call casey and call the guy. blah blah blah... skipping some The thought never left me you dont need him you are better than that. But because he was there in my time of need, something I didnt think could happen it did, I stayed with him and fell into what people call "The Preachers Kid". Now before this time I could honestly say I'm only bad cause I play with the deacons kids (ahem JASON and BRETT), but after that time I had the title and still can't live it down. Now not only did I earn a title but I was changed, bitterness. What I thought was good for me was worldly and not as good for me as I thought but I wanted to live it my way. Like I said always in the spotlight. A lot like Jesus I was tempted but instead of doing as he did I fell into a trap. Deep in. my bitterness towards Michaels' death was my cause of acting out and falling away from the Lord. Now that I look back on it, If I had done as Jesus did while he was in the desert I would never have fallen into my "PK" status. I might have actually avoided the obvious. As much as I regret doing things, I feel as though I've learned from it. I am glad I am a "pk" because being a "pk" is awesome. I learned so much that has helped me. It helps to learn from my mistakes and I am now more prepared for what God has instore for me. I know now I can avoid the temptations no matter how hard they can be.

me and buggy

"Ces la vie" -That's Life

2009-01-28T00:00:00.000-08:00

During the month of January I have noticed things changing. People are changing, the world is changing, the economy is changing, lots of things in this world are changing. When change happens to people it makes us more aware of just how precious life really can be. When Barak Obama was elected president I didn't know what to expect. You hear so much on the news and in church that you don't know what to think. It scared me a little cause I hear so much but know so little. The fact that he is different and not what we "the american people" is not something that we are accustomed to. It made me think that instead of worrying about the fact that something bad is going to happen because he is what people call "different" we should just put our trust in God that he knows what he is doing. I work in a Hair Salon so I talk with many different people a day with many different views. Some are scared, some are racist, some like the change, and some dont care. My personal opinion of it all is that as long as God is in control and we let him handle it I think we will all be a little worry free about it. The ecomony is down some now but maybe in a way it is God's way of telling us to slow down and think more of him than on our wants and needs. Since christmas I really feel that I have been tested in so many ways. It shows me that I as a person am changing. I got married in July, talk about change. You go your whole life depending on two people who will always be there for you and help you out to living with one person and not knows what the next day can hold for you. Its a big change! When we are children we always know that our parents are going to be there for us. Its a routine. But when you get married its not that they won't be there for you but you have to come to realization that the person you married will also be there for you. Change is hard, but change is good. I have been tested with the realization of marriage, but also realization with my intermediate family. When you get married you combine family's. Yes the two do become one in a sense but also you gain members. It can cause relationships to slip as well. I have a cousin Whom I love dearly, as a friend and family. (I do love all my cousins) But this one was one I depended on to lend an ear or a helping hand. She is my friend. But in recent weeks we ourselves have drifted so to say. As we drifted fights began, lies were spread, and things were said that shouldn't have been. I am not by any means saying that I am innocent, nor am I saying that She or I was wrong. But I realized that by all that happened I was not only losing the respect of my family but I was losing hers. I said things I regret, and I am sure she said things she regrets but its in the past now and I can't take those back. When I realized this I saw that I was not only hurting myself but her too. I have prayed about it, thought about it, and talked about it. The only thing that I can do is let God have it. He takes care of all our needs when we need him. He is our rock and our only friend we can ever trust. By me fighting with her, I saw that I myself needed to change. I am changing as a person. Somtimes changing as a person is a hard thing to do. There are many things I need to change about myself and I am now willing to let God handle it and help me change in ways that can only be for the better. Trust is something I am allowing him to take hold of. I have a hard time with it. I am always scared someone is going to leave me like my brother. Its hard. I think since he died I have held such a grudge against God and myself that I can't seem to let people in. I go on the defense. When I have something precious like my husband I just want to hold on to it and not share. I am now realizing that I need to have more trust in God and more trust in myself. I read a passage of scripture as singing the Beatles song in my head. Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. All my life I have rushed things, rushed life. And with the rushing I never stopped to change and make things better for myself. There is a time for everything, and if we all sit back and let God have control of it our lives might be much more peaceful. We won't have to worry what is going to happen, or what someone is doing we will just let it happen and know that God is in Control.

Jennifer and David

2008-05-29T18:03:00.000-07:00

We created this site so our friends and family can keep in touch with us after we get married. Enjoy pictures will be up soon.
*~*Jennifer and David*~*

*~* wIsHiNg AnD HoPiNg, ThInKiNg AnD pRaYiNg*~*