For some moments in life there are no words. In Memory to those we have lost and Michael Ryan Bufkin

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland~

This is true in situations dealing with death. You can never get over the pain or the thought of loosing a loved one, and no one can ever steal away that person memory from you. But what about the person who has actually lost someone in thier life. Wheather it be a mother, father, grandparent, or sibling. Whomever it maybe it is though no matter the age that one goes through it. There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. No one ever wants any one to loose a loved one but I believe from personal experience that God would never put anything thing in your life that you could not handle.

It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses. ~Colette
I found this quote online and it made me remeber how I felt after my brother passed. He was after all my best friend in the world. I remember being in Louisiana when it all happened. (my so called comfort zone) When I was told I went balistic turned over a coffee table, then screamed to the top of my lungs and 5 minutes later regained my composure and told Mrs. Long I needed to speak to my dad. When I called my dad, it seemed like a life time to get through to him. I mean I talked to like 5 people before him but when he answered the phone and I heard for the first time in my life my dad cry I knew I had to be strong. All he could say was "Jennifer, its my fault." I remember thinking then saying "Dad its all going to be all right I'll be home soon and I love you"
After the fact that my brother passed and all was said and done people seemed nicer to me and they seemed to want to help. I thought of this as a nice jester but I was still a little bitter by the situation. I would snap at people as if they didn't understand and from that moment on I shut down. I didn't care what people thought of me I didn't care what people thought of what I did nor how I acted. I wasn't aware that I was hurting people in the process like my parents much less thinking about what my brother would have thought of my actions. He would not liked who I would have become and that I had wasted my life away. I hadn't done much with my life and hadn't shown what a true christian I was nor what a good person my brother was or would have been. I had wasted years of being useless. From 2001-2009 I had wasted so much time thinking about how hurt I was that I hadn't thinking been thinking about others that were hurting or my self that was hurting as well. Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. ~Mary C. Crowley I finally turned my fears, my problems, my sorrows, and my emotions over to God and I felt so much better about everything. There is a saying "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never to have loved at all". I am a firm believer in that. Had I had never known my brother then I would had never of known how wonderful of a person my brother was and how many people he had touched in so little time he lived. We acquire the strength we have overcome. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." ~From the television show The Wonder Years

The one thing that did bother me and still does to this day is that people seem to forget the legacy of peoples memory. To the families and some of the few they still seem to live on in our hearts. I have always wondered what happened to those who said they would be there when you needed them. Sure there are those you can talk to but it seems to me that when you try to talk to them they are either too busy or think you should have moved on by that time. Truth is when you loose someone in your life no matter whom it may be it hurts and you will never get over the loss of someone. When someone you know looses a loved one never forget that person will always be hurting and that they will always need your love and support regaurdless of the time that passes. It has been almost 9 years since Michael has passed and not a day goes by that I do not think about him or the fact that he will not be in my children's life. The fact that he did not see me walk down the isle at my wedding and sing Hakunnamatta at the end. He was a wonderful amazing person and I wish more people knew him. I wish I knew what he would have become in life. But I know his legacy lives on in me and through me. There are times that I need to talk and David doesn't know what to say. I need my friends who were there, his friends who knew him, and people who cared that I maybe blew off.

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

With the death of some of my friends siblings I have tried to be thier for them and I intend to be there for them even after the fact that everyone has moved on with thier grief of losing thier friend. I know what it is like to lose a loved on so I was to encourage everyone to remember that it is hard to lose someone you love and the pain never ends. It stays with you like marriage, til death do you part. It is something you never forget and your friend who has lost a loved one; brother, sister, mom, dad, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin... it will never be undone in thier mind. Please remember them daily. Be there for them and that they may be grieving for a while if they ever stop and need to have reassurance that you are there for them. Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert


Good-night! good-night! as we so oft have said
Beneath this roof at midnight, in the days
That are no more, and shall no more return.
Thou hast but taken up thy lamp and gone to bed;
I stay a little longer, as one stays
To cover up the embers that still burn.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Michael Ryan Bufkin
August 12, 1988 - August 3, 2001

If tears could build a stairway,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven
And bring you home again.